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When I first started The Optimist, I was searching for something deeper than surface-level conversations about what it means to be a man today. My conversation with Philip Folsom wasn't just an interview—it was a roadmap for understanding masculinity in a world that's forgotten how to build true connections.
Folsom painted a stark picture of how we've lost our "kinship systems"—those deep, interconnected networks that historically gave men meaning, direction, and support. We’re living in a culture of isolation that's systematically breaking down men's ability to lead, belong, and find purpose.
What struck me most was how this isolation manifests. It's not just about being alone; it's about being disconnected from a sense of purpose. Folsom described modern men as "uninitiated"—trapped in a perpetual adolescent mindset of immediate gratification, unable to sacrifice short-term comfort for long-term significance.
A military analogy resonated deeply. Veterans who've gone through intense training aren't just physically tough—they're psychologically transformed. They understand something fundamental that most men have forgotten: true leadership is about service, not power. It's about creating a "tribe" where each member knows their role, feels valued, and contributes to a shared mission.
But here's the gut punch: we're losing these men. Folsom shared a heartbreaking statistic—since 9/11, we've lost 150,000 veterans to suicide, compared to 8,000 in combat. These are men who've been trained to lead, protect, and serve, but who can't find their place in a society that doesn't understand their experience.
The solution isn't complicated, but it requires radical honesty. Folsom's advice was beautifully simple: write, speak, and get clear about your values. Stop scrolling, start connecting. Understand that your behavior creates culture—not your words, not your posts, but your actual actions.
For me, this was more than an interview. It was a call to action. As a podcast host exploring modern masculinity, I realized we're not just discussing a topic—we're trying to rebuild something fundamental that's been lost.
The most powerful men aren't those who dominate—they're those who serve. They're the ones who can protect, provide, and lead with both strength and vulnerability. They're the ones who understand that true leadership is about creating a kinship system where everyone can thrive.
We're not just talking about individual transformation. We're talking about rebuilding the very fabric of how men connect, lead, and find meaning in a world that's forgotten the ancient wisdom of tribal belonging.
The lone wolf is dead. Long live the tribe.
Want to learn how to join one? Listen to our full conversation here:
